A Glance.
For quite some time now, I’ve been somewhat unsatisfied with how far I’ve gotten in life. As out of left field as this statement seems, I just realize that you can’t worry about what you can’t control.
I am only halfway through my undergraduate degree and I feel like it will actually take me forever to finish. I mean, in retrospect some might say it’s some sort of achievement that it’s half over..but at the same time, if I choose to back out now I would have virtually nothing to show for my studies. damn bachelor’s degrees.
In review of last year, I went absolutely nowhere. Seeing as how I travelled to many a country in high school, I find my post-secondary traveling experiences to be extremely sub-par.
This past semester, living in res taught me to just toughen up and not worry about the small things. I made unbelievable relationships with several people. I was forced into a bubble where it was school, and people you could come home to at the end of the day who were not only there to support you when you were going through personal issues, but just knowing how badly school was getting you down. I thought about my lack of travel constantly. I felt bound in my UBC and feeling borderline guilty about thinking about taking time off to further set me behind from my expected graduation date. Thank god for go global letting me not only travel, but study concurrently. Hitting two birds with one stone couldn’t be better..Canberra, Australia will be my new home next month.
I am leaving in 4 weeks, and realizing how much I’m really going to miss Canada. Just the familiarity of it. Knowing where I’m going, knowing the people, the places, the mountains! OH MY GOODNESS..the mountains! I will miss shredding Whistler.. I like knowing what cute little cafe to go to on west 4th, or pre-drinking at cafe crepe before going to a bar I probably won’t like. Nights at the roxy where you get right wasted, or even just quiet nights at home in D-dot. Cold walks in Stanely Park..missing the summer at Kits beach.
I’m hoping to develop some amazing relationships while I’m in Australia, and I am hoping to get to see as much as I can. I am hoping to fall in love with the country to keep my homesickness at bay.
‘You can’t always get what you want.’ Mick Jagger said it best. After ranting with Danielle and Marlie, I’ve decided romantic comedies will be my downfall. After asking the questions, ‘why isn’t he throwing pebbles at my window?’, and ‘why isn’t he declaring his love for me with a stereo above his head?’..I realized that even just finding that deep connection with the lack of grand gestures is a challenge. To find someone you connect with better than anyone, and better than expected..oh my, ESPECIALLY in Vancouver, the land of the whack job men, is enlightening, and borderline impossible. You can’t control how people act. So one should just say what you feel. After bottling up feelings of love and resentment of which were months of it driving me absolutely mental, I spilled my heart out as if were my nerves falling out of my back like angel hair pasta spilling out of a pot. Although he was borderline speechless and probably didn’t understand the depth of the situation and what everything really meant to me, it is irrelevant, as I have lifted the weight off my chest and although the situation itself was completely balls to be honest, I actually don’t feel completely terrible, surprisingly. I cleaned out my emotional closet to make way for possible new relationships, and took the time to reflect and realize that ‘loving someone don’t make them love you.’ I don’t regret it, and if I carpe-diem’d on a regular basis like that, maybe I would feel like a better person. Taking advantage of the situation and being ballsy have never always been my personal fortes, but I hope to be more honest not only to myself, but to others in the future.. as moral-y as that sounds. Although what I should really say is..if I didn’t have the friends I did now, I honestly don’t know how I would get by.
alright I am friggin’ exhausted, it’s almost 5 in the morning, I’m going to bed.
